Friday, 9 October 2009

One for the road.

We all know the connotations surrounding the number 13 and there's no way I can realistically come to the end of the summer on an unlucky-numberFest.
Thankfully coincidence has it that my mate Jim is getting married and his stag do took place at the bavarian celebration of booze that is Oktoberfest.
Now I'm not much of a drinker but there's no way I was missing Jim's stag do and adding one more to my Festival count was also a pretty good sweetener.
I took some notes on my hand held device during various journeys across the weekend so here they are unedited accompanied by some pictures from my phone for you to make of what you will.

So, right now I'm sat on a Minibus with nine other men,

on my way to standstead for my mate
jims' stag do in munich.

I only know four of the other nine, Jim, his brother Rob, Jack and Jon.
so this blog is about the five strangers.

first two name I learnt were gorden and kev.

Gordon is a dark-haired shifty looking man with what is probably an Irish accent,
he plays football with jim (the stag).

Kev looks like Jim, but really like him, i
he looks more like jim than jim does.
I think they know each other from uni but I'm not sure,

Oh actually I met a guy called Nigel earlier on,
don't know how he knows Jim,
but he sent me a text about getting a taxi together that I didn't reply to,
and apparently he lives near me.

right, number four Richard,
met him in the services,
he likes Beer Fest the movie and speaks with an obvious west mids accent.

Oh turns out Gordon's Scottish,

still the fifth strangers name illudes me but I think he's gunna be my favorite,
He's a
funny little man who looks a bit like a guy I used to know called shifty James,

I'm on the plain now never been on a stag do before,
little bit aprehencive to be fair.

Nigeal is somehow related to Jim, married to one of his step sisters I think,

Right we're on a coach between the airport and Munich,
and I think I just overheard the fifth man being refered to as max.

So that's the full cast.
Munchin is the place,
and it's a Stag do.

Right it's 5 days later and I'm on a coach back to the airport,

Now if you've never been to Oktoberfest then here it is in a nutshell,

All the women wear these dresses that make them look like the erotic dream of someone with a Disney princess fetish.

all the men are Italian, Kiwi or Aussie and all rock that lauderhosen check shirt look. (shodichun)

over the course of the weekend I have consumed more beer than I have in the last year,

at one point I arm wrestled an Aussie guy lying face down on the floor in the middle of Munich
he was surprisingly strong

I lost but Ewan (younger brother to the stag and actual man mounting), stepped up and redeemed our honer.

The next evening after a 11 hour sleep I was chatting to this kiwi guy called brad,

he kept saying how hungry he was and that he really needed some breakfast.
So I'm like you've got a bit of a wait and he's like
"Nar they serve from 7-10 so its only ten minutes eh."

It took me that ten minutes,
three outside opinions,
plus the fact that the sun was going down not up, to convince him
it was pm not am
he wondered off bemused and unable to work out if he was 12 hours ahead or behind.

there was also one interesting point later that night when we were trying to get into the lowenbrow tent
following rob the stags older brother being carried out by five security gaurds

the way we were having it was to stand at the side door and as someone came out we'd try and push our way in,

for a long time we were
getting blocked by a german guy who didn't work there but acted like he was in charge,

after a while we no longer cared about getting in only about pissing this guy off
by encouraging other people to try and sneak in.

This situation
climaxed when I held the door open from the outside,
he was unable to muster the strenth to pull it shut,

he then decided to try and be a hero by bashing my doorholding finders with the ball of his palm.

I took this opportunity to throw a full liter of beer full in his face,

as the door closed he stood inside drenched and flickinge the double bird
it ended his run as have a go doorman and soon after we just walked in.

Once inside we stayed for about five minutes then decided it wern't all that,
instead we went back outside to jear our new rivals.

Now I'd resigned myself to the fact that I wasn't going to get any weed while I was here,

but last night I found myself sat outside the hostel chatting to a circle of Kiwis and Aussies,

I mentioned that it'd be nice to have a spliff and this Aussie girl called Andrea said she could help,

she invited me out on the roof terace to smoke the weed she'd inenvertantly smuggled in from Amsterdam,

lucky duck.

she didn't know it was illegal here.

For a minute I thought it might be the start of a story that ends with me waking up in a bath of ice, minus a kidney,

So me and Jim smoked a bit with her then Jim fell into a drunken snorefest of a sleep,
the man sounds like an angry bear,

I smoked the rest of Andrea's weed and bid her good night,
Kidney intact,

she says if I'm ever in melborn she'll introduce me to her dealer,
show me the best places to buy retro/vintage cloths.
So there yu go.

As far as my first stag do goes I think I've done alright.

We didn't do any of that fucked up shit to Jim and no one banged any prostitutes,

so a bit of a let down in the "this'll be like an american teen movie" department,
But as Jim said to me the other day,

As far as Oktoberfest goes,

Never need to go to that again eh.

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