Friday, 31 October 2008

External investments and Freestyle Jazz

I've been thinking,
Basically I need funding to keep doing what I do.
I figure what with the 2012 Lympics an all, Arts Council funding's gunna be a stretch.
So I've come up with another way.
Dragon's Den.
Here's part of my application  form.


Yeah I can see Pufeatus going in for some of that I just have to give him 45% of my blog.

On other news I done a show last night.
Poetry-First one for a little while eh, (2 monthsish).

The night's called Tounge-Fu and it's run by a fella called Ventriloquist
I've never been there before and I didn't realize the format till I got there.
See I'd been told 2 sets of 15 minutes and I figured it it'd be me and a mic just talking, like the countless other nights of this ilk that I'd performed at in the past.
Seems it was all different. The 4 piece in-house Jazz Band would be accompanying my set.
First 15
This shit was crazy, Firstly I had to abandon my set list as it just didn't work with the band.
Secondly all my "Funny" moments seemed to not be in keeping with the Radio4esk audience.
I mean I told them how Gok Wan's from Leggy, just like me then I said about watching his show where he makes women take a photo of their least favorite body parts, (This was the set up and at the time it seemed like they were hanging on my words waiting for the punchline),
So I said "Yeah this one woman had a fanny that looked like a toothless rabbit trying to swallow part of a BMX innertube."
In my head ZING! 
The Audience SILENCE.
The kind of silence that has to be written in capital letters.
At that point I decided to just get on with it.
Second 15.

Salena Godden (Also Performing) had gotten me a wine and it took the edge off.
Also I was well past the rubicon and felt like it was going ok.
I even managed to get the Band to play Fuuk Party (Pillers Tune) and this helped satisfy my hunger for confusion within the crowd as I book-ended it with my two most serious poems.

Check out the Drummer Graham Fox -Badman. 

Thursday, 23 October 2008

European Girls make the Best Cappuccinos

I don't know if you know me or not, but if you don't know me then there's something you should know about me, and if you do know me then there's something you no doubt know all ready. 
I drink a lot of coffee.
Yu know?
Today started at 7.30 when I woke up crawled to the kitchen and made my first coffee of the day.

Where:My house
Coffee:Nescafe blend 37
Made by:Me

Then I went through the Bi-weekly rigmarole of the job search process. 9 o'clock signing time.

Where:Charles Street Job Center Plus
Coffee:Not a drop
Made by:Nobody

After that I went to meet Ben and Dan as they started work. I grabbed a coffee on the way.

Where:Haymarket Costa
Made by:1 lad

Then hung about for a bit met up with Dan and we went for a coffee.

Where:High-Cross Costa
Made by:2 girls
(Canadian & some sort of European)

So I hung around in some shops for a bit then on my way back to the car I went to check my e-mails and sit down with a coffee.

Where:Ice Mango
Made by:Dom

I briefly went back home then ran back out to the studio with Kyle via getting a coffee.

Where:Market Street Nero
Made by:2 girls
(Polish & Japanese)

After that I had a quick meeting at Curve, but having arrived slightly early I had just enough time to relax with a coffee.

Where:LCB Depo
Made by:1 lad
(I think he was Scottish)

Final having finished my meeting on the way back to the car park I thought I might as well.

Where:Market Street Nero
Made by:1 girl
(The Japanese one)

I'm home now and to be honest I think I'm gunna have a lie down.

Wednesday, 22 October 2008

Yu know the Smurfs.

Well I'll tell yu what I think.
I think they're racists. In fact I'd go as far as to say that they are the friendly faced cartoon depiction of the Klan. 
No? Have another look.
All looking very similar, dressed in white pointy hats apart from their leader. 
The Grand Dragon A.K.A Papa Smurf.
One blonde haired woman with whom they all breed so as to secure the purity of the blood line.
Still not convince?
Look at "the villan" of the piece


Need I say more?

Monday, 20 October 2008

Faster than a speed addiction.

Right check it yeah,
My life can get quite busy from time to time.
Sometimes I have to be in 3 cities in one day.
Generally on these days I don't have a lot of time to mess around.
As a result of this I tend to walk fast. And I mean Fast.
I put it down to a combination of my hectic schedule, my skinny legs and my powerful ass.
Thing that gets me is, 
today I was fast-walking down Oxford street and this homeless geezer overtook me like I was standing still.
Where has he got to go in such a hurry.
But it's not just him, it's an overall trend.
I seen it again when I got back to Leggy.
Imagine I'm superman proper chipping through the crowds when suddenly I'm overtaken by the Flash with an arm full of Big Issues a smack habit.
Running backwards so as to proper rub it in.
I reckon it's got something to do with Nike Shox.

Saturday, 18 October 2008

Making noise and the Eastend

Pillers had another busy week this week.We went in Wong's studio for a couple of days to try and get some shit recorded. He's got some crazy touch-pad drum
 computer that Kyle used instead of a kit. It was badman.
Yeah we still need to go and do all the mix etc. Thing with us is we actually sound alot better with a lot of distortion/crackle so I wonder if it might just all be too clean.

Then we had a gig an all. Friday night at 93feet East on Brick Lane. 
So once again we were driving to London. I like to share something from the actual journey and this time my favorite other car was this guy.

We reckon his wife kicked him out because he'd been banging her sister/workmate and now he had to get all his shit out of her house. Unlucky pal.

The gig was all good 'cept they spelt our name wrong on the flyer and we were on about 9.30 so nobody was drunk and every fucker on Brick Lane's too fucking cool to dance of even make any noise. I told them they were pretentious status-anxious wannabe loser-twats and they seemed to respond well to it.
After our gig we went down to the Old Blue Last for Dollop featuring this weeks special guest MIA's new best friend and Lidl's most wanted Africa-Boy.

Possibly the worst live act I've ever seen. I mean that and I've probably seen over 2000 live performances. seriously this guy is awful. and the worst thing is I don't even think he's african he kept slipping into a thick London accent between tunes. 
Weirdest of all was the little gezza who came on stage with him but just stood at the back and didn't look like he was enjoying it at all.

Friday, 17 October 2008

I had a meeting/tour of Curve the other day.
It's billed as the most ambitious theatre project in Europe.
and I tell yu what, when it opens I suggest that everyone goes and has a look at the inside.
It's like a massive Art-Deco transformer.
Firstly the thing is massive. Proper huge eh,

and when you're inside all the exterior walls bend outwards as they go up.
Added to that most of the interior walls can be moved in at least one direction and the whole thing can be configured into multiple spaces and these spaces have the potential to change shape/size within a performance.
Personally I find this quite exciting for the possibility of creating site specific work there.
I like doing things within theatre that challenge the audience's perception of what to expect.
So if I do manage to wedge my foot in that particular door then expect your perceptions to be challenged.

Tuesday, 14 October 2008

A Poem

This poem is a colab between me and Kyle.

Maintaining composure in the last few moments of the gang-bang,
Sarah is glamourous, as they come.

Monday, 13 October 2008

Just a thought.

Yu know how they've got the Andrex dog, running about the place with toilet roll in it's mouth.
And then there's the Dulux dog, same deal but with a can of paint.
Well surely the next one is the Durex dog. 
Complete with a really pissed off owner trying to pull semi-digested condoms out of it's arse whilst looking after his 5 kids.

West-End Girls and East-Mids accents

Right 4 day catch up.
Pillers go CALLING ALL TRIBES @ the Ghetto, LND's premier wednesday big gay night out.

Yo this night was crazy. It's run by our mate K-Tron and Buster Bennett.
It was a good night but I had a bit of bother with feed back in the fold back yu gets meh.

Added t'this I had to sign on next Morning at 9 in the am.
I was driving and managed to get home about 6ish so just stayed up and went straight in.
The whole thing was surreal.

Slept for the rest of Thursday with the exception of a few hours when I got up to chill with my nephew Dylan (He's 9).
Yeah we went t'the shop at one point and as we did I got knocked down by a Transit Van making an ileagel right turn out of a street opersit my house. Dylan was fine but man I need a massage.

Friday I can't remember so I doubt anything happened.

Saturday was WE GO PARTY





"The Rape Cape"
Thanks to Sam and Abdul f'the Photos.

Wednesday, 8 October 2008

The Hitman and Her

Man I must have been like 8 or something when I first saw this show.
I knew Her was Michaela Strachan but It's only now when I look back at it that I realise 
the Hitman was Pete Waterman.
But most of all the thing I remember about this show was the dancing.

In particular This Geeza.

Now I know a lot of episodes came live from Ritzy's (Now Oceana) in Nottingham.
I lived in Notts for sort of 4 of the last 5 years and while I was there I was dancing at a competitive level.
Last night I had a revalation.
I think I know who that geeza with the white wig is.
I reckon he's my friend on Myspace.
I'll check it out and let yu know.

The other thing I remember about the show is that it wasn't very long and when it finished,
TJ Hooker was on.

Monday, 6 October 2008

Scratching on.

Yeah times are hard for Berko of late.
I ain't got no work on. I know what yu thinking, you'r like "What how can you not have any work on? I thought you were nearly famous, surely you've got loads of stuff on."
Well I ain't.
I actually asked a friend of mind who runs an employment agency for some work and he said he couldn't let me give up "the dream" by working for him.
Fair enough it shows that he believes in me.
What this means is that now I'm reduced to signing on.
and that ain't my dream.
My first one was week before last. Now it's 9am every other Thursday morning.
Job Centre Plus actually opens at nine so I get 5 mins or so of standing outside with my fellow signers. 
And I've noticed a trend.
I seem to have overlooked my signing on uniform, everyone else, and I mean everyone. Is dressed the same.
I need to get with the fashion. Apparently the hot look for work-dodgers this year is that grey's the new black. Every last one of 'um has this same look, achieved by mixing together 3 different brands of grey tracksuit and setting the whole thing off with a grey Stone Island or Next cardigan. I tell you what this Thursday I'm planning on taking some pictures that I can send to Gok Wan so he can feel as proud of being from here as I am.

I'll just finish by saying if anyone wants to give me a job then let me know and I'll fucking do it.