Monday, 24 November 2008

Watch this.

Yo check this out.
This is Livewire from Derby.
He's a free runner and Bboy.
check his video his a badman.

Sunday, 23 November 2008

More Shorditch Berkavitch

D'yu remember Quantum Leap?
Yu know where Sam Beckett (Not the play Write) jumps in and out of other peoples bodys to put right what once went wrong. 
Well every now and again I find myself thinking what if he jumped into me right now? I think that shit'd be too confusing for Ziggy and I bet Al'd give that remote control thing he's good a right good bashing.

Well anyway. Yesterday was a bit like that.

Pillers DJ Set.

Coops Smashed it.

I managed to get David J to come out. If you don't know David then click his name to view his page. The man's a stone cold genius. 

I met this geeza outside. His name's Kevin Powder. I know him off myspace init. He interviewed me and Sandy about famous Leggy folk.

Tell yu what though main issue I had with last night was the rudeness and arrogance of nuff of the kids in this rave. I had some girl pushing me like she wanted a fight, some dickhead kicked my booze over and about 50 mans all took it in turn to tread on my trainers. So let me just put this out there for any Shorditch kids reading now. 
Oi watch yu self yeah, cos I was being polite but next time I'll be knocking mans out. 

Friday, 21 November 2008

Yu know how sometimes they give stuff out in the street

yu know what I mean? Free stuff.
They do it alot outside stations in london at peek commuter times.
In the past I've got bottles of water, a miniture fan, cream egg bars, shots of espreso and one time I got a bag with a little packed-lunch in it.
Generally the stuff they give you sorts you out in some way.
I heard that Uni Qlo was giving out free long-johns yesterday but unfortunately I heard that today. So I missed the boat on that one eh.

Well anyway I had to go London yesterday morning and when I got into St Pancrass I could see they were giving out free stuff just on t'other side of the barrier.
Quickly though, just before that as I got off my train
(standard class carriage),
I was walking down towards the afore mentioned barrier, when this power suited business woman was stepping out of the trains door further down the platform
(1st Class carriage).
she must of been well over 6 foot tall in her heals and graceful with it an all.
Well as she stepped in front of me she used her hand to throw back her long blond hair and it floated in slow-motion and settled behind her shoulders
But I tell yu what yeah, she proper followed through with her hand and I had to bust a walking, matrix limbo in order to avoid getting clouted in the mouth.
She didn't give a shit eh. Doubt she even registered I was there.
Any way when I got to the free stuff turns out it was a shot of Bailies.
Not exactly what yu think you'd need at 11.45 am in central London.

I had it any way, took the edge off nearly getting knocked out by the apprentice
and at the end of the day it was free, so what can yu do?

On the train home 23.15 I clearly heard the geeza announce that first class was coach C
So I figured I'd done alright cos I was in coach D but it was one of them half and half ones,
I sat in what usually should have been 1st class but I figured would be standard, cos of the whole coach C thing.
Turns out I can just fuck off. Train woman come up giving it all this shit about
"Can I see your ticket? It'll cost yu £40 to upgrade to this seat." Mardy bitch.
I had to go sit on that weird little seat by the toilets.
Couldn't even plug my laptop in cos of some bullshit about variable charge and the power socket being for the hoovers they use at the depo.
No one even sat in that other seat all the way back I went and found a different seat round about Wellingborough.
I found a Euro to UK plug converter in the socket
by my new seat so thats alright eh.

It says for shavers only but I'm gunna use it for my hard drive. Plug manufacturers not the boss of me.

Sposed to of signed on yesterday but I didn't bother cos I was in the smoke eh.
Oh by the way if anybody actually reads this shit don't tell the giro people that I was working all last week cos they'll have me up about it init.
Anyway I belled them up this morning and they let me go in and scratch today instead, just had to show um some print outs some e-mails about my meeting.
There was like 30 people waiting and they let me just rock up and sign straight off, I was getting bare evils off nuff work-dodgers as I strutted out after 5 minutes.
Right thats it. I'm off. Gunna try and download the Bond Ultimatum.

Sunday, 16 November 2008

Concave or convex, whichever way you look at it Curve is open.

So I've been doing this thing at Curve all week,
Quickly for those that don't know what Curve is,
If you've ever been to Leggy City Centre then I'm sure you know the G-Spot swingers club,
(formally DieHard).
Right well yu know that thing opposite that looks like a new cinema or something,
Well that's Curve,
It's a proper fancy new Theatre.
Yeah a Theatre....

yu know for putting on plays and that.
(Plays are like Films except performed live in a big room that's been specially made for 'um).

Well anyway, I've been doing this thing there all week as part of the promenade performance that is the opening event.
The piece I've been doing has changed a lot since I first performed it last monday afternoon.
The first big change was it original had integrated dance but the concrete floor in my designated area soon put the kibosh on that.
Next change was location. I was struggling to attract an audience inside the walls of Curve, partly due to the exciting and shiny new architecture of the building but also partly because I was directly competing with a troop of circus performers swinging around on trapeases/high-wires either side of my area. After advice from interested friends I moved outside the front door on top of a soap-box and timed the performance of the piece so as it's end coincided with the front of house opening time. This meant I had a semi-captive audience, obviously this worked a lot better.
I've now performed the piece 10 times over 7 days with varying levels of success. Every performance has been different and I've adapted accordingly.
Fittingly the piece itself is about change.
Here's the piece and some pics of me doing it.
I'm wearing a suit on the V.I.P night and the geezer I'm with is the architect, we are indoors.

Hopefully I'll be back at Curve in the near future, maybe all the way inside or maybe even on the stage.

Thanks to Neil, Ben, Steve, Melv and Jay for taking the pics, offering opinions and lending the box.

Tuesday, 11 November 2008

8 days ago......

That's when I wrote my last blog.
It's been over a week,
and I'm sure if anyone actually reads this shit then they'll have no doubt been missing the sporadic updates on the mundanity of my day to day existence.

Well yu in f'ra treat mate.
Cos this blog is the flashback episode.

Here's the last week.

Berko goes Leeds.

Sticks and Stones-Poetry night run by Andy Craven-Griffiths.

I did alright yu know, 'sept for the walk from the train station on witch I was publicly heckled on several occasions. But to be honest the folk doing the heckling were some backwards looking sons of bitches to tell the truth. I mean nobody in Leeds even knows about pin-rolling their jeans.


Berko goes London

Poejazzy-poetry/music/fancy meal hosted by PIP, (funny bastards)
this lot liked my combination of astute social observation and bastardization of the English language through the East-Midlands idiom.
Also check out this girl.
She's a jazz singer and apparently she's always in the Sunday supplements.
I thought I recognised her from somewhere 
but I reckon I probably just came across her face in a jazz-mag at some point

Also Tuesday night was the Us election. "Change has come to America"
so that's alright eh.

I was mad busy writing a piece for the Curve opening.
It's about the Leggy Moto. 
"Change has come to Leicester"
Curve Rehursals
also check out No Fit State Circus

I've been talking to them about running away with um.

Pillers support Example in Leggy
Look I'm not gunna lie to yu yeah,
I had no idea what this geeza's music was gunna sound like and before we first met him I thought maybe he was a bit of a nob. But fair play to the lad by the end of talking to him I actually think he's an alright guy. Still not sure about his music but hey. 
The gig was 14+ proper operation Worthers Original, yu know what I mean. Anyway one 16 year old lad at the front chipped his front tooth on the barrier and wanted me to put my finger in his mouth to feel it. Yeah right mate.
Example watched our set and said that i should do stand up.
  I said I do performance Poetry it's like stand up but with more artistic merit, Stand up's too easy.

Here's a video of Example doing Stand Up.

also check out this artwork that Ben made in the greenroom.

That shit's Bananas.

Monday, 3 November 2008

Internet Credits

Right I'm trying to figure out how to put a counter on my blog.
That way I can accurately calculate my internet credits.

That way I'll know if I'm famous or not.
I'm sure you all know how it works.

Myspace plays, friends and profile views are 1 credit each.
5 YouTube Views is worth 1 Myspace play
Each Facebook friend is worth 2 on Myspace
5 Myspace Hits = 1 blog view
Then 20 Myspace credits is worth 1 hit on Google.

Then if this number adds up to more than 1,000,000 then yu famous.

I'm hoping that my blog credits are gunna boost me that extra 800,000