Saturday, 27 September 2008

Yu know how Baksy's like a proper atsist now.
I mean he's like Bob from Heroes.
My personal favorite part of all this is, that if Banksy does do a thing on a building, the council will actively protect it.
Crazy init. It's like more than having permission.
He could paint on your house, that you own. and you wouldn't be allowed to paint over it.

And I don't see why no ones realized what this means..
Check it yeah
They're always closing down youth centers init.
Well it's as simple as this. Paint a big fake Banksy on yu youth centre. Bang! I garenty it's safe.
Any idiot with a craft knife, a can of spaypaint and a copy of photoshop can copy a Banksy.
Just print out one of the rats off google image eh. Easy

Yu seen this guy he thinks he's Banksy's nemisis.

He ain't.

Friday, 26 September 2008

yu can call me superstitious

the other day right,
I was reversing in my car and I had to stop because I thought 
I saw the ghost of a black cat
in my rear view mirror.
I thought about how unlucky that was,
then I realized
it was a white cat.

Debbie does Daniels.

Hey have yu seen Paul Daniels lately,
in them Tesco's adverts. 
Notice anything........ eh
On his own in he.
See the sadness in his eyes?
looks lonely init.
and yu know what I heard?
I heard his long time screen partner 
and real life wife. 
Debbie Magee.
Done up and left him
for his son.
Martin Daniels. (A.K.A Paul Daniels Jr).
Yu can check wikipidia if you don't believe me.
Anyway more fool her
cos I also heard Paul Sr just got himself a sweet deal rumered to be worth millions of dollars.
It's being refered to as;
"The most Spectatular Event of our Time"
Big news on the illusionist scene. 
He's going to make David Blain disappear.

Wednesday, 24 September 2008

Shameless self promotion

Check this out,
Someone told me that they heard someone talking about the Pillers on Radio1 t'other week.
Huw Stephens apparently.
Gave me an idea.

I text him this week init,
Huw that is.
went like this
Hey Huw, 
You should check out PillErs of the Community! 
They're number 1 on my iPod. Love Beki x

We only had to listen for 20 mins till he read it out.
That's how easy it is.
All yu got to do is make it flow like a sound-bite.
Little bit of cliche,
Reference to popular culture,
Give 'em what they want init,
Then you finish with a name that sounds like a teenage girl and put a kiss on it, cos thats what girls do. they put kisses on texts.
(I will point out that this is the only time I pretend to be a teenage girl, I don't do it on the internet).

My favorite thing about Beki's text is that it does one of two things.
Either it promotes illegal downloading. See only one of the Pillers songs is available on iTunes, (also a link).
Or alternatively it suggests that Keri means this one song; WeFightDirty, (obviously a Link) which is actually only 1min 12secs long, and she listens to it all the time.
In which case she's an idiot. Still to her credit she's a loyal idiot, and possibly "Knows" at least one the band.
I think maybe Huw needs to get a little bit better at 
reading between the lines.
Especially if he intends to scupper my plans of getting him to say the name of our band on his show again.
I don't think he's up to it.
and I would definately not be surprised if Beki got another text read out on next weeks show.

Monday, 22 September 2008

3 people you should check out if you've been sleeping.

Leggy-badman illustrations

Loop Pedal Rudeboy Singer

Profeshional talker

Yeah, but you already knew this eh.

Saturday, 20 September 2008

Where we're going we don't need roads.

I dunno if I've told yu this already but I have the ability to travel in time. 
I know,
It's crazy init.
Check it out though yeah,
The way I do this amazing shit is like this.
First I have to focus,
and I mean REALLY focus.
It helps if I close my eyes.

Then I'm able to enter into a transcendental state that literally catapults me through time.
Always in the same direction though.
and usually only by a couple of hours although one time I did do a whole day.


Check it out yeah,

Had a gig with the band in Liverpool the other night.
Since becoming European city of culture 2008 there's been a bit of a clean up.
For example, it used to be that as you drove into the city you'd come through the crack district. Literally whole streets of boarded up houses. Not a strong look for the city council, till some one came up with the brilliant idea. 

Paint all the boards on the boarded up houses. 

if it's colourful enough people'll forget about the crack. 

Yeah Gig went well. They like us up there.


Wednesday, 17 September 2008

long in back for the ladies.

I cut my own hair the otherday.
started out with the beard and spread to the sides of my head.
'Sept I didn't have any hair clippers so I had to do it with scissers.

It don't look as bad in the picture. Even if it is I don't care. I think it works with the mullet. It's all about uneven bits in yu mullet. It makes it.
Yeah we're in Liverpool tomorrow night so I might try and sort it out, but I probably won't.

Sunday, 14 September 2008

New Leggy

Right I know you know about 


and if yu don't know then I can sum it up f'yu.
Leicester's Motto as emblasened on our coat of arms is 
This litterally translates to English as 
always the same.
The irony of this is completely lost on the majority of Leggy's gliterati,
anyway, things are changing Leggy looks like a different creature these days.

Some massive 
redevelopment of the whole Highcross area.
looks like Birmingham now.
my mate Kyle went into the new Lacoste shop
he was looking for a pair of shorts. He ask's
" yu got any shorts?"
Geeza said
" yeah one pair over there."
and he show's him something that Kyle discribes as longs,
Kyle says "Nar mate, SHORTS"
"Yeah we only sell them,"
Kyle's like, 
"Nar fella, I sin 'um in mags an that,"
So he bought a hat for £30 and fucked off
That'll show 'em.

The difference (a poem)

She was from Venus
And He was from Mars
He showed her his Penis
She showed him her Scars.

Found it

oi check it ,
d'yu know about Hollow Earth?
if yu don't read this.
well me and Ben were on google earth the other day and it turns out it's there.
Crazy init. 
Apperently Hitler still lives there in the Lost Kindom of David, eating spagetti hoops and drinking Fanta, that's what gives him his eternal youth. Well that and the oil of olay.

I also typed in my Mums postcode so as to see if I could see any of my family in her garden.
all i concluded form this was that 
on the 6th July 2006 

nobody was home

Saturday, 13 September 2008

Electric stairs.

I tell yu what there's nothing makes me wanna
punch a stranger in the back of the head
more than bad escalator etiquette.
check it yeah, it's bad enough in London; yu know them dick'eds who stand on the left on tube station escalators?
Proper twats

Well if you know that situation then you might be able to relate.
Imagine the exact same thing
, with out the "stand on the right" rule and
set in Leicester TK Maxx.

Makes me wanna start
shitting in a plaggy bag
before I go out in the morning so I can carry it with me to smear across the collective back of the three obese teenage rude-gels who spend their whole day needlessly blocking my way.

Wednesday, 10 September 2008

Here's a poem.

This poem is written in the style of John Cooper Clark.
I have chosen to accompany it with an anicdote about meeting John Cooper Clark in the toilets at Latitude Festival.

Here’s the anicdote.

I was at
Latitude Festival,

And I went to
the toilet,

And you wouldn’t beleve who’s standing next to me,
It’s only
John Cooper Clark,

And I turned to him and said,
“hey John, yu know, for you this is just going to the toilet,
but for me,

it’s an anicdote.

Here’s the Poem.


I’m a spaceman and I live in space,
I’m a spaceman with a spaceman’s face,
I’m a spaceman and I need my space,
Gimmy some space man.

Alow me to introduce myself... name is BERKO.
I write poems,
I write stories,
I write angry letters,
I ware leggins,
and I shout through a megaphone with PILLERS OF THE COMMUNITY™
I dance and do things on stages,
People know me,
and if you don't know me an you let me know you just one time....

I would own you.

Tuesday, 9 September 2008

that's me. doing the bad thing.
it's my signature dance.