Night bus

So it seems like it might be a really worthwile, interesting experience.
Yu know you've had a few days kicking about down the old tomb raider
temples and fancy maybe a little trip to the beach.

So someone's like, " yeah mate get the night bus just sleep through it."
The sign says free blanket, free water, air-con, big seat.
All sounds good.
10 hours sleep'd be a bonus an all.

Yu know pop a couple valleys and get yu head down. Saves a nights rent
an all.
The geezer who booked my ticket for me said that this bus even had a tv.
Lucky duck.

Seemed like a really good idea.
Or as the say out here, seemed like cumnut l'or. (yes Cumnut means
idea. no extra points for suggesting it's cos we think with our dicks,
milked that joke for all it's worth).

Yeah anyway the theory's sound.

But when it comes to the reality of it 4 hours deep into what is now a
12 hours journey, and the 4 music videos that are constantly repeating
across 5 tv screens have repeated beyond the point of novelty value.

And the geeza in the uniform who seems to be doing lenghts of the top
deck refuses to acknowledge you, let alone sort you out that free
water you were promised. Forcing you to try gathering enough saliver
in your mouth to try and dry swallow the vallium you've snapped into
what might hopefully be managable pieces,

And as the freezing blasts of unrelenting air-con whistles through
your paper thin blanket and against the skin which up to now has been
saturated with persperation as it struggles to become accustom to the
agressive heat and violent humidity, causing you to feel what must be
the start of a cold,

And as the bus bounces it's way across a series of pot-hole infested
dirt tracks causing your neck to spontainiusly whiplash your head into
the numerouse metal objects pertruding from all the areas within
smacking distance,

And as the group of vivatious Europeans at the front of the bus
continue to shout about boxes ticked in a language I really can't be
fucking bothered to try and identify,

And the unreasonably tall german man in the seat infront refuses to
acknowledge that he can't put his seat back without crushing yu legs,

And everytime you almost manage to drop off the ignorant uniform guy
suddenly wants to be your friend and starts trying to comunicate with
you using Khm-English and facial expressions,

And as the 2 and a bit vallium you've managed to get inside you don't
bring the sleep they promised but instead just seem to slow the
passing of time making every moment seem excrusiatingly uncomfortable,

Yu just gotta say to yourself,

Ah god,

This is awful!

Sent from my iPod