Wednesday, 15 April 2009

Don't bother Watching the Watchmen (film).

D'yu remember a little wile ago I was talking about Watchmen?
I posted a link to a torrent for the motion comic and said I was actually gunna go to the cinema and see it.
Well I actually tried to do that.

I checked out times on the internet and decided to go for the 11.30 on a Friday night showing, the theory being that the film'd finish about 2ish, perfect time for a bit of masked vigilantying.
Anyway me and my friend Melvin got proper high, then went down to the new Cinima de Lux located on the lumpy left shoulder of Leggy's new dormant robot corpse/shopping emporium, the Highcross centre.

must have been about 11.02 as my hand touched the front door, we pushed open the cinema's mouth and were swallowed into the foyer. There I stood with my stoned face, face to face with this stone-faced woman.
I'm like "Watchmen, 2 of us."
She's like "Not on any more"
I'm like "What we missed the start?"
She's like "It's not on any more."
I'm like "uuuuh."

Long story short, it wern't on. We didn't even bother going out adventuring just went to our respective homes and went to sleep, rubbish.

Anyway following a recommendation from another friend I decided to just watch it on-line yesterday. To be fair if I had gone to see it at the cinema then this would probably be a blog about me getting kicked out of the cinema for shouting at the screen for 2 hours 45 minutes (2 minutes longer than the film's running time.)

Right first off Hollywood,
Rorschach is one of the best characters in any comic ever. In fact I'd say he's one of the best characters in anything ever. Hollywoods Rorschach is a sloppy edit of diary highlights performed weekly and out of context. 
It hurts me to see brilliance diluted to the point of average.

Also why the fuck are you changing the end of the story?
That's not what happens.

here's a quote, "I deal in Fiction I don't deal in Lies." Alan Moore.
What he means by that is that He spent a lot of time writing the story. A story filled with spectacular events and characters, but a story that feels real. A story that rings true.
Here's another quote,
"This film is awful," John Berkavitch

The amount of things that have been unexplained/forgotten/omited in the transition/metomorpasis from book to film makes it not worth making the film, no wonder Alan Moore didn't want his fucking name on it. Just quickly have you ever seen a picture of Alan Moore?

I got a lot of respect for the unkempt beard and scarecrow haircut, 
it's a strong look.

What I will say for the film is if you're a fan of the old crotch shots then mate you are in for a treat.
My favorite of these being in the sex scene between Silk Specter and 4 Dr Manhattens.
At one point there's a panning wide shot of 4 flacid blue penises, (or is that Peni?)Although if it is extended shots of full frontal male nakedness your lookning for, then fuck Watchmen, I'd recommend watching Oz the HBO Drama series from 1997.
Yu know the one in the prison,
guy in a wheelchair telling the story
Yeah that one. Oz.
I watched six seasons of Oz over the last 2 weeks, intense. 
You can watch all the first season on here. message me if you want links to the rest.

To conclude if you ain't seen the Watchmen film don't bother, watch the motion comic.(link) Or better yet read the fucking book.

Also I've still got to tell you about my history as a crime fighter. Don't worry I ain't forgotten just not typed it up yet.

1 comment:

Kim-Leng said...

Dude. What did I tell you? I'm so glad you didn't waste your money on going to the poncey cinema to sit through that multimillion dollar epitome of Dr Manhatten's flacid penis. However, every person who did sit through all 2hrs 45mins worth of that film without having a toilet break or falling asleep, deserves my utmost respect (unless they actually thought it was good, in which case they deserve to be beaten with said flacid penis).
I hear Josh offers an excellent counselling service for post traumatic stress disorder specifically for the Watchmen film.
See you soon comrade.